So I figure I need a more awesome bike to compete more awesomely in the
Almanzo 100. Charge Bikes is prototyping a CX rig that I think would be just awesome enough for me to pilot in this event. So I wrote them a letter. It's as follows.
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Hi,
I like bikes. And I like to race bikes. So I'm looking for hand outs. But before you toss this email away, please know that I am awesome. I'm sure you are now wondering just how awesome I am. Well wonder no more. Just think of the most awesome thing you know of, and then imagine that thing going fast and doing wheelies. That would only be about half as awesome as me.
Now you are wondering what someone as awesome as I am is capable of. I created the George Forman grill and let him take the credit so his kids can eat. A number of years ago I raced mountain bikes in the tropical wonderland known as Oahu, Hawaii. That is being awesome in itself, but I restrained from crushing the competition by consistently placing in the top 5 in the expert division. From there I switched to road racing and saved Lance Armstrong’s career by remaining an amateur cat-3 racer, and again took pity on the local competition by holding back during most races.
I then wrote the script for the original Star Wars. It was really only supposed to be a one-off movie. But after I let Lucas have it, he decided to add 2 more after, and then 3 more before in the story line.
Now I live in Rochester, Minnesota, anonymously as a web production artist for a world renowned medical institution. Kind of like how Superman works at the Daily Planet as Clark Kent, except I'm real. And much more awesome.
The other day, I figured out the meaning of life, but I realize that if I told anyone the worlds economy would crash because everyone would stop being productive. I also know all the secrets in LOST. All I can tell you is that Ben is misunderstood.
So right now in the Midwest, there's huge growth in free (as in $0. entry fee) gravel road races. Examples of such are the
Almanzo 100 (with over 400 riders registered),
Trans Iowa,
Dirty Benjamin,
The Heck of the North, and others. In fact a number of these races have
banded together and have an overall series. Pretty cool huh?
Being as awesome as I am, I competed in the Almanzo 100 the past 2 years on a fixed gear rig. Mainly so that I wouldn't devastate everyone with my awesomeness by winning the overall title. Now I'm at a point where I would like to show the world a little more of my awesomeness.
To do this I need a hand out. This is where an awesome bike company like Charge comes in. See as awesome as I am, I do not have a proper machine to do as awesome as I am capable of. The rig I used the last two years is an old late early 90's Specialized Allez, road bike conversion. It is almost awesome enough, except I need wider tires and possibly some gears to truly be supreme awesome.
I saw your Tweet about the prototype of the Freezer and figured that it is truly an awesome machine. So how about letting me ride one, at least for the Almanzo 100 (where more then 400 losing potential customers) will be witness to complete awesomeness of our combination. It'll be like when Prince Adam of Eternia, raises his power sword, yelling "By the power of Grayskull, I HAVE THE POWER!" and becomes He Man. Except even more awesome, and without the stupid Cringer/Battle Cat cramping my style.
In addition to Almanzo, I may unleash my awesomeness at some other races in the series, as well as a number of un-sanctioned grass roots CX races in the fall. Of course I don't want to completely dominate and destroy other riders, so I will restrain from winning everything. But I will display the awesomeness of Charge bikes in a completely awesome way.
So be awesome and let me ride one of your bikes.
Your awesome pal,
Gun
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So I don't know, I figure it's worth a shot. Nothing like telling the truth right?